𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚗 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝.

[affluenzas]

✘ any canon point, au, and cross-canon welcome
✘ leave a prompt ( threadstarter/picture(s)/lyrics, etc )
✘ link for anything nsfw
✘ profit!

Comments

ty for the move!

[bullriding]

i am twice your size and split that whiskey with you, you think i had any sense left
we could've make a lotta money outta those statues

i'm regretting the tequila
and i've drunk enough coffee to race a horse
and had to fix up some fencing at 7am
and took a nap in the truck.

long way for me to say i am very hungover

of course! 💗

[affluenzas]

fair, it's probably a miracle either one of us was upright by the end of the night
sort of upright...it was pretty damn questionable a couple of times
i'm putting it in my notes rn, next time we drink: world domination, pinky and the brains style
except successful, obviously

your hangover is a fuck of a lot more impressive than mine is
idek what time i woke up but it was definitely afternoon
and i haven't gotten out of bed except to pick up my door dash
gatorade, advil and shake shack

[bullriding]

don't know about impressive
just got done some things that needed to get done

real quick
1) what the hell is a pinky and the brains
2) you even remember how bad you were at pool, or is that something i get to remind you of forever ?

[affluenzas]

at this point anyone not comatose seems pretty impressive
you could have stopped with waking up at 7 and i still would have been amazed

1) are you really telling me you were deprived of one of the best cartoons ever made right now????
2) ...i feel like you're making this up

[bullriding]

alright, little miss shake shack

1) i grew up on a ranch, sammy. we didn't even have internet and cell service until i was like, thirteen
1a) you feel sorry for me yet

[ As for 2): attached is a blurry, five second video clip. It's not all that clear what's actually happening, considering that Rhett's shaking so bad with laughter that the camera isn't very still. It's definitely the bar from last night, and definitely Sammy, and definitely her near a pool table. But other than that?

Rhett obviously remains convinced this is foolproof evidence. ]

[affluenzas]

door dash is the greatest invention in us history, it's just a fact.

1) no wifi??? how did you survive
1a) yes and no. you definitely missed out but now i can make you binge it with me. are you ready to have your mind blown?

( is she overhyping this children's cartoon? probably, she hasn't actually watched it since she was a kid.

nobody is going to be hiring rhett as a cinematographer anytime soon, but she watches the whole video with brows drawn together. his laughter is barely audible over the twang of the music, but she hears is nonetheless and if it weren't so damn infectious she might be annoyed. )

wow i can't believe you'd laugh at my struggle like that
i thought we were friends

[bullriding]

1) i had jobs to do. and old playboy magazines
1a) dunno about blown. think i'm about ready to have my mind lightly toasted

don't tell me you're tryin to guilt me on this
you were the one telling me first to sink black is checkmate
i could've put this on the internet for half a hundred likes

[ It's kind of a miracle that Rhett, like, actually knows how Instagram works, but whatever. There's a small pause, a little beat of thought, and then: ]

you know i got your back on everything else

[affluenzas]

1) how old are we talking here?
1a) oh ye of little faith. you know what, keep your expectations low. but when it's the best thing you've ever seen, i'll accept either a written or verbal apology.

only because i'm like mildly insta famous
tequila made it all make sense in my mind
like magic

( she's sort of just shocked he knows what instagram is. )

of course i know, it's why i keep you around
that and you're not hard to look at

[bullriding]

[ hE kNoWs WhAt InsTaGrAm Is, OkAy. (Where else would all his selfies with his horse go.)

So much for revisiting the memory lane of vintage playboy bunnies and bear skin rugs by the fire (and whatever else made sixteen year old Rhett Abbott's imagination run wild). (Spoilers: it didn't take much.) It's a solid fifteen minutes before his next text comes through: ]

you flirting with me, miss mildly insta famous?

[affluenzas]

( in all fairness she just assumed that, much like her grandparents, any photos he took just lived forever in his photo gallery.

don't think the marked delay went unnoticed, with sammy vacillating between regret and amusement that she managed to scare him off. )

maybe i am, cowboy. not scared, are you?

[bullriding]

of you
the worst pool player in the universe?

c'mon, sammy

[ Notably not a yes. Notably not a no. ]

[affluenzas]

alright fine, maybe i kind of suck at pool
that doesn't mean i don't have plenty of talents
they're just in different areas

and it definitely doesn't mean i'm not intimidating

( says the scrawny 5 foot nothing blonde who's never won a physical fight in her life. )

but if you're not comfortable admitting it that's totally fine

[bullriding]

i ride bulls for a living, sammy

[ If a text could sound exasperated and amused, all at the same time. ]

only thing i'm afraid of is your love of tequila and bad ideas

[affluenzas]

all you're proving is that you're a tiny bit crazy

( she's not not into it, even if it doesn't help her pathetic attempts to seem tough and intimidating. she's every bit as threatening as a kitten that hasn't opened its eyes yet. )

some of those bad ideas end up being pretty fun, you know
at least i didn't fall off the pool table last night
...i didn't fall off it did i?

[bullriding]

i plead the fifth, counselor

[ To the first part. The second part, well. ]

you see the post-it yet?

[ Literally, not metaphorically. He has a vague memory of putting a post-it on her— back? Into her bag? In his quick, blocky writing, all-capitals:

FUTURE SAMMY,
FELL OFF TABLE. RMBR TO TAKE PAINKILLERS.
—R ]

[affluenzas]

( of course she missed the note. because seeing it would have mean doing something aside from laying in bed and groaning which is, unsurprisingly, as far as she's made it today.

any response is delayed for a good 5-10 minutes while she lurches out of bed, thinks briefly about stumbling to the bathroom to vomit, decides she might be alright and instead starts searching for her purse from the night before. unfortunately all she manages to dig up there are a few stray dollar bills, a taser --never leave home without one, kids!-- a nearly empty pack of gum and a single broken cigarette.

her clothes lay in a crumbled heap on the floor, and that's where she finally locates it, on the ground underneath her shirt and a little worse for wear. )

that would explain the giant bruise on my ass, thanks
there had to be a better way to pass that message on
drunk sammy doesn't actually give a shit about future sammy, just fyi

[bullriding]

tell drunk sammy she could be a little kinder to the future, then

i want it on record that i did try
but you are real quick when you decide you want to climb on a table

[ It isn't the guilt that makes him ask, though maybe it might come across that way: ]

want me to bring you anything?

[affluenzas]

trust me, future sammy has had a lot of conversations with drunk sammy, that bitch just never listens.

your semi-weak argument is noted, and i promise not to hold it against you
how were you supposed to know i have catlike reflexes

is this a service you offer to every girl who drunkenly falls around you?